I don't even know.
I just feel so utterly defeated right now. Just, down. Low.
I have this thing, where I hear something once--a word, sentence, noise---and it repeats in my head over and over, like a broken record. I'm sure you've experienced this at one time or another. Today, was the worst. It occurred so many times, my head was actually aching. It made my eyes hurt. Made me lose complete focus, complete concentration.
Here's an example: Today after school we had soccer practice in room 305. It was raining outdoors. Doing a visual of a bypass overlap check thing, coach called me up to represent a defender. I asked the question on how to do this move in the first place, so I should've known he was speaking directly to me, once I got up in front of the class/team. But all I heard in my head was how he said the word, "Alright," over, and over, and over, and over.
"Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright, alright," was the annoying pop music playing in my head. Once snapped back to reality, realizing everyone was looking at me, I laughed light-heartedly and played it off by exclaiming something about thinking coach was talking to Martha, instead of me. A reasonable excuse. But I just felt so,
weird.
Before I started this entry, strained vocals were singing the line, "I swing and miss," within the grainy walls of my mind. And I had to keep having the sound of that line repeat, enough times so that I could identify whose voice it was singing. I tried googling lyrics, but that was a m4j0r f4il. And then more lines drifted in, fading in and out by means of volume, or how clearly I could hear it. Once I figured out it was the voice of the sweet, sweet Devonte Hynes, flowing throughout my head, I search Lightspeed Champion in my itunes, and listened to every song on the album in order until I came across that single line, which was found within the last song on the album if I might add, which was, No Surprise (For Wendela) Midnight Surprise.
???
This type of thing happens often. And a lot more often lately, than has been in the past. The thing about having a line from a song stuck in my head, I've always had that, that's routine for me. But now that it's gradually becoming noticable in everyday conversation, every, day, every, time,
I don't know.
I just, don't know.
And I feel sad.
What a way to end an entry, no?
xx
